A Woman is not a Man Property
5 Cues to Unmask your Boyfriend’s Beliefs of Considering you his Property
It sounds well, it sounds polite, it sounds obvious that a woman is not the property of any man; she is an independent person and responsible for herself… But what do men really have in their minds?
Well, think that the attitude of a man to consider the couple as his property is unconscious. It is pretty similar to anyone considering himself as not owning racist beliefs: black people are equal to white people and they have the same rights. But the weight of history — where in the past centuries having racist beliefs was acceptable- remains in our collective subconscious, and if you are aware and focus the attention, you may discover micro-racists attitudes in some of your own behaviors. For example, the extended belief in Southern Europe that immigrants from Africa are going to take the employments of the native population, is a clear argument that may reveal the rejection to live with black people around.
In the field of intimate relationships it happens something similar, where the history of the past centuries have kept women in the background. That is a subconscious belief that lives inside every man, you and me. And this idea is rooted both in men’s and women’s minds even though none wants to acknowledge. It is part of how our culture has evolved and how society has been built.
To provide a practical insight that you can apply to your daily life I have collected in this article 5 signs that you might observe to discover if your boyfriend has the belief of that you are his property:
- Jealous attitudes in men may have in their base the implicit idea that the couple is his property. Then he tends to find a potential danger every time you talk to other man, specially if he is handsome and elegant. A thought like this could cross his mind: “Might she prefer him to me as a better protector?” If he is continuously asking who that notification in your smart pophone came from, the fact should be taken as a warning flag.
- Flirting with other women is natural from his point of view. He simply tells you that he likes to talk to other women, and for sure talking to others is healthy and normal for a sociability perspective. But what happens if you do something similar with other men? That doesn’t seem good to him, and it may trigger a jealousy attack.
- He doesn’t show sincere approval when you’re going out with your friends. As you will be outside of his control he may feel anxious and unsecure because he cannot protect you… from yourself or from other man! He could even think that you need him to survive in this world, and in his mind he stablishes an equivalence between being protective and control your life.
- He values you as a part of himself. Since he does not consider you as an independent person, he might be happy of your achievements not for yourself but because he believes you have achieved that goal thanks to his support. A neat example: when you go to a party, for sure he likes you to be well dressed and made up, so that he can fill proud of how beautiful you are in front all of the guests.
- He may verbalise that you have to pay for his protection and contributions to the relationship by taking care of the house and the kids. Hence he is convinced that you are going to stay just because you need him emotionally, and even economically. In fact the economic dependency can be very detrimental for a woman to feel free of making her own decisions.
As happens with the maleness, where subtle behaviors frequently appear in couple interactions — commonly known as micro-maleness — , the implicit signs such as the five listed above should act as a warning to work in the relationship with your partner, not just because they might produce a conflict in the short term, but as a point to discuss with him in order to build a healthy couple.
A solid relationship is built not only on top of love, but also with a large dose of smart thinking and acting accordingly.